Words fail...

It’s been one week since the accident. I’m sorry I’ve been away so long. I have had no words to express what these days have been like for us. What I say now I say as one sister among many. First, I want to thank everyone who has offered prayers for our sisters and for our community. We feel them – they are holding us up. Never has the power of prayer been clearer to me. So many people have reached out to help us through these awful days: Benedictines from PA, MD, NJ, AL, MN, KS, Oblates, friends and family. In this pain we have discovered the depth of love around us. Words fail…both in sorrow and in gratitude.

We buried Sister Denise on Friday. Several hundred mourners gathered with us to sing God’s praise for the gift of her life. Our Gathering Space was transformed into Africa – tables laden with art, photos and fabric told the story of our sister’s life and ministry. Even in our grief there was real joy for the sister whom we love is forever in God’s embrace.

Sister Charlotte and Sister Connie Ruth remain in critical condition. We are waiting in hope by their beds for signs of improvement and healing. Your continued prayers are a gift to us.
I find myself wondering if we will ever get back to “normal.” It would seem that time itself has been divided – “before” the accident and “after.” The only “normal” is our prayer. When I am with my sisters praying those ancient words I feel peace. The psalms are so rich with feeling. They speak alternately of profound sorrow, deep joy, righteous anger and genuine thanksgiving. No matter which one we pray, it touches a feeling inside me for I have felt all these things in the past seven days.

There is so much we cannot know now. The days and months ahead will bring new challenges and new graces. I do know that I have never been prouder to be a Benedictine Sister of Virginia. We have been of one mind and heart throughout this tragedy. We have clung to each other and to our loving God. We have clearly articulated the Gospel mandate of forgiveness and given witness to the grace that comes when we walk in His footsteps. The love we have for one another in Christ is truly stronger than death. It is a love without limit or exceptions. It is ours to give to God’s people through the Church and to the young man behind the wheel of the car that killed our sister. Forgiveness, mercy and compassion…Sister Denise would have laid down her life for less.

Blessings and love to you all...

- Sister Vicki

"I'll meet you halfway"...

In today’s gospel we hear that after the death of Lazarus, when Martha heard that Jesus was coming “she went out to meet him.” That initiative in the midst of her grief was the foundation of a miracle. Martha left the comfort of her home – the privacy of her pain – and went to the One who would understand her loss. “If you had been here, Lord, my brother would not have died.” Whoa! That’s either a profound expression of faith or a major guilt trip! Maybe, it was a little of both. Yet even in the grip of a powerful sorrow, Martha went out to meet him.

As a child in the 70’s, I remember a song on a "Partridge Family" album that I just loved: “I’ll Meet You Halfway.” Cheesy? Yes. But that refrain came to the surface this morning as Sister Anne Marie read the gospel at Morning Prayer. “I’ll meet you halfway. That’s better that no way.” Martha gives us good example. The Lord Jesus is always coming close – always walking in our direction. We can just stay where we are – stuck in the feeling of the day – or we can put one foot in front of the other and meet Him in the middle. He is certain to be there…smiling… as the gap between us closes.

Blessings and love to you all…
- Sister Vicki

"shine like the sun..."

Today’s gospel offers us the rich imagery of the sower. I can’t help but picture the illumination in the Saint John’s Bible of a Midwestern Jesus in blue jeans casting the good seed on the soil. Being the “good seed” is certainly a worthy goal for all Christians especially we who call ourselves “monastics.” This parable could encourage us to consider our importance in the building of the Kingdom or the ultimate concerns of the end time, but the verse that grabs my heart comes at the very end of the story. “Then the righteous will shine like the sun…” (Matthew 13:43)


This verse was the theme of the Diocesan Youth Conference this past weekend in Richmond. Imagine 500 rainbow tie-dye t-shirts proclaiming, “Shine like the Son.” Amazing! Many of you, who didn’t attend DYC, might be thinking of Thomas Merton’s mystical experience on the corner of 4th and Walnut. Merton, watching the people pass by at that intersection in downtown Louisville, realizes, in a moment of grace, that he loves all of them – these total strangers. He knows in that instant that any separation between us as human beings is an illusion. There are two accounts of this moment written by the monk himself. The first is an entry in a private journal in March of 1958. But it’s in the second recounting of this experience in Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander that we get the full story. Thomas considers his vocation and the temptation to think that monastics are holier than everyone else. He meditates on the great mystery of the Incarnation and how that moment has forever sanctified our flesh. He writes:
“And if only everybody could realize this! But it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun.” Conjectures of A Guilty Bystander


So, not only will the righteous “shine like the sun” at the end time, according to Thomas, we have already begun to shine. I believe this is true. I believe it because every now and then I see my sisters shine. Sometimes, it’s when we’re praying or singing. More often it happens in the everyday – a small act of kindness, a personal gift used freely and fearlessly for God’s glory or just a fleeting awareness that what we have together is more real than anything else I’ve ever had in my life. I’m fairly certain that most Christians have had many “Merton moments.” As we persevere in the monastery they become more frequent. We don’t need to look beyond one another for the GOD we seek. May our eyes be opened to the wonder of that holy presence among us. If we are faithful to The Rule and to community, we will surely "shine like the sun" - here-and-now.

Blessings and love to you all...

- Sister Vicki

"The Hours"

Sometimes, when we pray together,
the sound of us
resonates in my bones.
The psalter strikes my heart
like a tuning fork
and it rings and rings…

Sometimes, when we pray together,
we share one breath –
slow and deep,
like the rhythm of sleep.
In those moments I am the many –
and there is only “we.”

Sometimes, when we pray together,
the ancient texts tell me secrets –
of how to be
in relationship with all that is
and how to love the strangers
who have become my home.

Sometimes, when we pray together,
I remember the most important thing.
We are on our way
together
and God smiles when we pray.

Vicki Ix, OSB
July 3, 2010

In a Kansas cornfield...

"All guests are to be welcomed as Christ (RB 53)." Hospitality...it's just the heart of the monastic endeavor. I travel more than most so I am blessed to experience this Benedictine value in other monasteries from time to time. This past weekend I was working on a Federation project at Mount St. Scholastica Monastery, Atchison, KS. Though the focus of the weekend was work - preparation for the next "55 & Under" meeting in 2011 - the sisters at Atchison were pleased to include us in their Saturday night plans. I just happened to be visiting during the "Amelia Earhart Festival" - a weekend celebration of Atchison's most famous native. After the BEST hamburger I've had in a long time, our small group joined several sisters who were "camping out" for the evening festivities. Perched on the bed of a pick-up truck, folding chairs were poised to see the trick flyers - bi-planes that swooped over the Missouri doing death-defying loops and white-knuckle dives! Then, as we waited for darkness to fall, Sister Judy made s'mores over a folding charcoal stove - messy but way worth it! Sister is also the monastery fireworks expert. I watched - from a safe distance - as Sister Judy set off Roman Candles and various other small explosives. As evening fell and the real fireworks show began, I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that I was sitting in the middle of a cornfield by the shore of the Missouri River. For a girl from New Jersey, it was a once-in-a-lifetime pleasure. The Benedictine sisters in Kansas live the mandate of hospitality with joy - and creativity!

Blessings and love to you all...

- Sister Vicki

Grief Unfolding...

Today is the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death. I am feeling the grace of time – the promise of healing paid-in-full. When I remember those awful days, it still feels like a bad dream. (I thought I was so grown-up then…just 26. I think, in retrospect, her death was the end of my adolescence. It was a defining moment in the journey – for all of us, I think.) "Fresh" grief is the worst – an open-wound that just won’t stop bleeding. It requires every inner resource – every ounce of faith. Grief doesn’t seem to have an ending, but it does seem to recede - like big waves in the ocean that eventually turn to a tired, soft ripple. I have made friends with the grief that abides in my bones – the loss of her. So much has gone on without her and yet, over time, she has visited me in my thoughts and dreams. Perhaps, it is the certainty of faith – the knowledge that she IS – that has carried me to a safe shore. I can still hear her voice, see her smile and remember her touch. And, thanks to my siblings, I meet her anew as they each reveal a precious part of her to me. She comes close from time to time – as best they can in glory – and I tell her things. Twenty years in, grief is much easier to bear – almost a gift. Something inside me is the richer for having negotiated this sorrow. I am joined to her still through Christ and the love that never ends.

Blessings and love to you all…
- Sister Vicki

"No place like home"...

I had a normal day yesterday – a perfectly, normal day in the monastery – and it was so good! Just prayer, work and some dirty dishes – the uneventfulness of it was just stunning. It’s not that I object to "highs" and "lows." Those places are usually my best teachers. But an ordinary day in the monastery is like breathing – it just happens. Bells that direct me to Chapel, meals shared with good women who make me laugh and just enough work to make me feel I’ve been creative – that constitutes the perfect everyday day. I hope I never get used to this feeling – the gratitude that flows from a good, solid life centered in Christ. Sometimes, we have to leave a place to see exactly what makes is it our place. What a gift…what a blessing!

Blessings and love to you all…
- Sister Vicki